Lost Memories

Working where I do makes me realize how precious memories really are. It saddens me to know that some people, some unlucky many, will eventually lose them all. I see it nearly everyday and still can not even come close to comprehending what that must be like. We are creatures who (maybe not all of us) tend to live in the past no matter how much we may strive to live in the present. Everything we do is influenced by what has happened in our pasts, what we've experienced, what we've known. Imagine not being able to remember any or all of that. How would you even begin to comprehend who you are?

Not being able to remember a favorite holiday.
Not being able to remember your own wedding.
Not being able to remember what day your birthday is.
Not being able to remember if you have siblings.
Not being able to remember your spouse's name.
Not being able to remember the right words or any words at all.

How debilitating this is. A cruel twist of life. Having everything we've built our lives around, everything we've built who we are around, gone from your mind. What's even more cruel: knowing that there's something missing and yet not quite knowing what. Being aware that all is not right and not being able to do anything about it. I'd rather be blissfully ignorant, but you don't reach that stage too soon in many cases.

And yet, through all this, the wonderful people I get to work with and care for, can still have a sense of humor about things. One in particular said to me one day something to the extent of 'you have to have a sense of humor about life or you'll never get through it.' Then laughed and said 'that was pretty good, huh?'

I have to say on most days I see more smiles than tears. Not every day. But most days. I'm thankful for that.

The human spirit perseveres.




Listening to: The Decemberists "Cocoon" and "Grace Cathedral Hill"

Music I Live By

Eisley is one of the groups I'm really happy to have come upon, one way or another. Their album Room Noises has many songs I connect with. Combinations isn't bad either. They help me relax, unwind. I have to say one of my favorite songs they do is Brightly Wound because it reminds me of my childhood. I think of all the things me and my friends got into....one friend in particular who had just as big an imagination as I did. We could have fun with anything at all...take a couple boat oars and some haystacks and we were in heaven. Give us slimy murky salamanders in a pond any day of the week, not to mention frog hunting. We could pretend for hours at a time and not break a sweat. It came naturally. And we'd keep adding to all the plots and points to make our stories continually expand. Some of my happiest memories are those when I spend them at the farm. Of course I had other friends that I had a whole lot of fun with too but this one in particular...we just clicked. Our minds were on the same wavelength with everything we did. Some days I'd want to be a kid again just to spend one more afternoon with total freedom. No fear of rejection or of appearing silly. We were what we were and there was no changing that and no denying that--and no wanting to change or deny that.
Working where I do...where memories are often regarded as treasures--even the littlest detail--makes me fervently wish that I never forget these times. Slowly time erases things except for some key moments that never go away. I don't ever want to lose those key moments. It's hard enough to lose the details. I feel for these people who realize they can't remember what they used to. I feel for those who can't remember that they can't remember. It's such a savage thing. It robs you of part of yourself. And yet, in moments, that part can surface. I've seen it--or I'd like to think I have. There are glimmers, if you can catch them.
So, to return to the point, Eisley is one of those groups that help me think of where I've been and be content in that.